Miscellaneous Humorous Jokes and Funny Stories - 1

Miscellaneous

Which famous Disney cartoon character has large antlers and wears white gloves?
Mickey Moose.

Miscellaneous

Where does satisfaction come from?
A satisfactory.

Miscellaneous

Naval Recruitment Officer: Can you swim?
Recruit: Why, have you run out of ships?

Miscellaneous

Because of a dense fog, a Mississippi steamboat had to stop at the mouth of the river. A woman passenger demanded to know the cause of the delay. ''Can't see up the river,'' the harassed captain replied. ''Fog's too thick.'' ''But I can see the stars overhead,'' the woman said. ''Yes,'' the captain growled, ''but unless the boilers explode, we're not going that way.''

Miscellaneous

Human Cannonball: ''That does it, I quit!'' Circus Manager: ''But where will I ever find another man of your caliber?''

Miscellaneous

The airliner was accelerating down the runway for take off when it suddenly slowed down and turned back towards the terminal. It was two hours before it finally took off. A worried passenger asked a stewardess what had caused the delay. She replied, ''oh there's nothing to worry about. When we were about to take off the pilot heard one of the engines making a strange noise so he decided to return to the terminal. It took us a bit of time to find another pilot.''

Miscellaneous

That Private Williams is a fine shot with a rifle,'' observed the sergeant. ''Yes,'' said the lieutenant, ''but I wonder what was his occupation before he joined the army.'' ''Why is that, sir?'' ''It's the way he takes out his handkerchief and wipes his fingerprints off the gun every time he takes a shot.''

Miscellaneous

When the powerful king found his throne missing, the next day, he ordered HIS army to kidnap the other king's count and force him to tell where the throne was being hidden. The session went as follows: King: Where is the throne?
Count: I cannot tell you. King: Then I will have you killed! Executioner, cut off his head!

Miscellaneous

SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP, SOAP I hope you could recognize that. I can only sing about eight bars.

Miscellaneous

I've fallen into the bad habit of talking to myself. I wondered why you were looking so bored.