Humorous Jokes and Funny Stories about Bars - 1

Bar

A polar bear walks in to a bar and says to the barman. ''I'll have a Gin and................................................................tonic.'' ''Why the big pause?'' replies the barman. the Polar bear looks down at this hands and says ''What do you mean, I've always had them.''

Bar

A man goes into a bar and sees Vincent Van Gogh standing chatting to the barman. The man says, ''I love your paintings, can I buy you a drink?'' Vincent replies, ''No thanks I've got one ear.''

Bar

A man walked into a bar in Egypt and ordered a drink. While he was pouring the drink, the barman asked him if he had ever been in the bar before. ''I've been here a few times'' replied the customer. ''I thought so,'' said the barman. ''I don't remember your name, but I've definately seen your fez before.''

Bar

A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, ''I want a whisky and ............ water please.'' The barman says, ''Why the big pause?'' The bear says, ''I was born with them.''

Bar

William Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks for a beer but the barman says sorry I can't serve you, you're bard.

Bar

An Irishman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for an IW. ''IW?'' inquires the bartender, ''what's that?'' ''Irish whiskey,'' answers the man. So the bartender gives him an Irish whiskey and the man sits down to drink it. A little while later, a Scotsman arrives and requests an SW. ''Scotch whiskey?'' asks the bartender. ''Right,'' answers the man. The bartender gives him the whiskey and the man sits down to drink it. Soon, a blonde appears and tells the bartender she wants a ''15.'' ''What's a 15?'' asks the bartender. ''You know,'' begins the blonde, ''seven and seven.''

Bar

A man walked into a pub and saw a gorilla serving behind the bar. ''What's the matter?'' said the gorilla, realising he was being stared at. ''Have you never seen a gorilla serving drinks before?'' ''It's not that,'' said the man. ''I never thought that the hippo would sell this place.''

Bar

Two fonts walked into a bar. The bartender said, ''sorry I can't serve you, we don't want your type in here.''

Bar

This man was in the pub when he spotted someone he thought he knew. So he went over to him and said, ''Are you Colin Williams?'' The other man replied that he was not Colin Williams. ''That's strange, you look just like him. You must have a double.'' ''Thanks very much, I'll have a double whisky.''

Bar

Two guys are chatting in a pub and one says to the other, ''How did you get those scars on your nose?'' ''From glasses,'' said the other guy. ''You should try contact lenses.'' ''Don't be silly, they wouldn't hold much beer.''